Posts Tagged ‘Waseem Akram’

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‘The Social Bookface of the Year’

December 26, 2010

This was the year of Mark Zuckerberg, the ‘Times Man of the Year’, Julian Assange, who should have been the ‘Times Man on the Year’, Maulana Fazlu for being Maulana Fazlu, the wicketkeeper who heard ‘Ja Simran Ja’ and thought this was his calling, Ms. Malik for now giving massages on tv and that’s about all the information I could get out of reading that one newspaper at the Dentists’s. (FK: one s or or two s’és here?). Wonder what this last line would sound like if Meera said it out loud.

Facebook is overrated. Why are 500 million people on it? 500 million people are not even on the European sub-continent (ok they are, but you get my point). Remember the actual physical land we humans used to browse and explore around on our tricycles? (Ok, bicycles for you). Dont get me wrong. I love Facebook, I really do. I love knowing who’s doing who on a haystack and self explanatory status updates like ”Mimi doesn’t get it”, “So….” & “Fashion ka Jalwa…” What’s great is how it has 127 comments like “What happened babe?”, “You are gorgeous” “Yes it is..” and other mutual admirations like “You rock”, replied by “No you rock Hunz”, replied by “We both Rock”, finalized by “Cause we are Rawans”…Ayein, where did that come from?

Ok, I’m a hypocrite cause I comment too and chances are that people don’t find my updates as funny as they are to me and my assistant. But the two things that double-handedly take the crown have to be the following:

When using FB on the phone, you can only see like a few updates. Most of the times, these few would be from the same person who is adamant about telling you about his favourite songs from the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, the 90’s and the 2000’s posting them one after the other. Then there are the ‘Óthers’ who love posting dua after dua, dua after dua, dua after dua (How does it feel now?). I’m sure the ‘Higher ups’ had you at hello.

I don’t mind getting friend requests from complete strangers. Complete as in Zero friends in common. I mean it would be the same if someone on the street walked over to you and said he wants to be your friend and look at your wife’s pictures from the time she was in Hawaii right? But what boggles my mind is when people leave their DP’s blank. I mean what do you want us to do? Guess what you look like? Let our imagination run wild and think it might be a muppet at the other end? I’m sorry maybe its just me but I can’t be friends with a name…a hand print would do, maybe one eye. Ok this is getting weird. But all I can say to people who don’t want to reveal their top secret identities in front of the world, for it may have consequences (like not getting rishtas): Go socialize elsewhere, like Radio!

I finally changed my display picture after a year, maybe more. I am convinced now that either due to global warming or the Zionists, the camera now adds 30-40 pounds. They can find water on Mars but cant find a camera that ‘doesn’t’ add this additional weight. To tell you the truth, no one took a picture of me this entire year. Every now and then, I tried to squeeze into a picture with ‘the gang’ but thanks to this state of the art technology known as ‘Paint’, they always find a way to cut me out. But what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. This saying had no relevance here whatsoever but I’ve been meaning to use it since a long time. Thank you cousin Zantiana for the things you do…and tolerate. Guess my new years resolution has to be to come down to 3 quarters of broast at one time. Also, not to use Facebook as the primary form of communication with the wife and kids. I’ve heard Whatsapp is cool these days.

What else? Mahira did that Shoaib Mansoor Movie. Saad Mujeeb got himself a 4 pack. Adnan Siddiqui got wet at the Lux style Awards (by Sprinklers), Shazia met Waseem Akram again after 20 years and immediately filed for divorce. Sharrukh Khan stole Farah’s thunder. Sales of Zandu Baam have gone up. People have stopped naming their daughters Sheila. Ali Zafar didnt recognize Katrina. Inception messed up our minds forever. Muneeb Nawaz won Miami’s famous ‘Yo Mama’ competition, Karachi broast white chutney is still the bomb! (Hopefully this blog will now get flagged and more people will read it).

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