Dettol ka tarana hai…

July 31, 2012

107,427 hits on my Youtube channel! Join now and win a Honda Civic in that sexy Kashmiri chai color. It is my strong desire to shake hands with the person who came up with that color. I wonder if it has a separate tainkee for milk. I might be a little off but I think this is how this million dollar idea took birth: One day, the chief of the colour committee at Honda Tokyo was having milk when suddenly his eyes caught a glimpse of the Rahat-e-Jaan, Freshness ka naya surr, har dil azeez…Rooh Afza. Slowly and carefully, he poured the red stuff in his milk. Eureka! “This will be the colour for my next car”. Try saying that aloud in a Japanese accent. You’ll find yourself saying it over and over again till Iftaar.

Coincidentally, today, I went to check out a Civic that I was attractive to on pakwheels.com (in Silver). It stared at me from that bright little computer screen. Then I gave her some attitude. So she smiled at me with those gleaming chinky eyes. Guys, in case you’re having bad luck in the ladies department, this is basic 101. But beware! If you see either of the indicator lights blinking, get the hell out of there. She is going to turn…to her husband.

Back to the story. So I go to the owner’s place, check out the body, interior and most importantly, the horn…and ask him for a test drive. The owner, with a really long beard and extremely short shorts responded, “Pehle garri khareedein, phir jitnee marzee test drive karni hai karein”.  Translation for my two angraiz friends: Buy it first and you can test drive it all you want. Only in Pakistan will you find such geniuses.

I went to the Lux Style Awards…on an empty stomach. After a few hundred nominations, I finally saw what I was looking for. It was tough to differentiate between the male nominees and the waiters as they went to the same Darzees (Translation: Tailors/Designers). So the James bond types carrying trays were heading right in my direction with fresh, deep fried fish. I roll up my napkin, loosen my belt, pick up a fork and totally got into my seafood mode. Come on fish! Come to papa! Come home! Where you belong! “Tartar sauce would be awesome. But will settle for ketchup”, I say to myself. Proximity 7 feet, 6, 5… but when it reached 1, a bunch of Jahils (Translation: Assholes) snatched the entire load from the poor guy’s tray who almost fell down. I looked at the salad plate on my table and saw that even the baby-sized carrots were attacked. On a good note, I was there for my buddy Ali Zafar who kicked some serious ass in the grand finale. I think he should do a Bollywood film now. I got a Magnum though, which I think was meant for Sharmila Farooqui who was sitting next to me. They probably thought we were husband and wife since we looked so good together…or (cough), like brother and sister.

What else? Oh yeah, “Dettol ka tarana hai, Pakistan barhana hai”. The new, improved soap doesn’t only look like every other soap in the world, but in fact has been injected with special non-alcoholic charbi that arms it with super powers never heard or seen before in any of the summer blockbusters. When you use the product to…I don’t know, wash your hands, the special fumes make the soap so powerful that in only one use, it can wash away Poverty, Corruption, Illiteracy, Unemployment, Terrorism and most importantly, Mobile-Snatching. The cure for all of Pakistan’s problems: Dettol! Sing with me, “Dettol ka Tarana hai, Pakistan barhana hai!. One more time…” I think my buddy AWS (Brand manager for Dettol in Lagos, Africa just fell down from his lion in his loin clothes. Guess “Dettol ka tarana hai, Africa bachana hai” is off the table for now.

I think I got another hit on my channel so I gotta go celebrate. Till next time!

But I shall not leave you empty handed. This is the link for my youtube channel for thousands of you restless souls:


Notes for my not-so-bright friends: Please refrain from posting comments or sending me messages like:

1. “That’s not true. Japanese people do not drink Rooh Afza”.

2. “Ali Zafar has already done Bollywood films”

3. “Dettol cannot solve Pakistan’s problems”.

Cause I know.


  1. Love Ettt W !!

  2. Smartass! lol and Dettol ka tarana sounds more like anti family planning anthem.

    • How did you come up with ‘Paijaan Chawdhry’? truly inspiring 🙂

  3. hahahahahhaha bond style waiters….u didnt pose on the red carpet?

    • Nah man nobody takes my picture. Not even the wife 🙂

  4. Zabardast….funny

    • 🙂 thanks

  5. Brilliant! Just discovered this blog. (and no, this is not one of those auto-bots / spam comments!) Congrats on the youtube hits! Keep up the good work.

    • Hey thanks..autobot!

      • 😉 <— umm yeah they've programmed to make 'em smilies too now!

      • 🙂 thanks for your appreciation. Do you write?

  6. Jee – sometimes. A dhakka-start writer if you pls! Here’s my blog: http://shaistathinks.wordpress.com/

  7. Oh man this was too good! I actually did the japanese accent and laughed out loud! Really look forward to your blogs..

    • 🙂 I keep doing it all the time

  8. Thanks to F.K. for recommending this post.
    Your blog is…well…errr…nice? 😉
    Totallay enjoyed it! Going to check out your Youtube channel now.

    • Thanks to F.K. for being the gorgeous man that he is…personality wise!

  9. you’re too much man, ” the Japanese” accent totally killed it!, but have you seen the maroonish red, and parrot green GLI’s , it’s ridiculous with the colors they are coming with. & dettol ka taran ,should be , ” dettol ka tarana hai, pakistan ko bachana”.

    • Thanks man. Yeah love the parrot green and smurf blue! But one’s gotta get matching shoes then

  10. hahaha that applies too! , do write more, its a fun read.

  11. Hello,
    Please keep up the amazing work that you are doing, I saw Karachi se Lahore and was so immensely proud, just a suggestion please please include English subtitles when the DVD is released, a lot of people I know wanted to watch the movie but decided not to due to the lack of subtitles.

    Thanks from a fan in the UK!

    • HI Iftikhar,
      We had sent subtitles with the film file I’m not sure why they werent shown in cinemas. Thanks for your appreciation

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